Montana BS thread - Dodge Cummins Diesel Forum
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post #1 of 75 (permalink) Old 05-11-2007, 02:35 PM Thread Starter
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Montana BS thread

Rules for Entering MONTANA

1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road". I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are horses, cattle, saw mills & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like jobs to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-90 and I-94 go East and West, I-15 goes North and South. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have quarter-million dollar, air conditioned tractors that we drive 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person, in every pickup truck, waves. It's called being friendly, try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a flock of geese is coming in, we will shoot the phone out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear.

7. Yeah, we eat walleye & rainbow trout. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday, held the closest Sunday to the first of November.

9. In Montana, it is not trendy and is considered very, very unsafe to criticize the USA. God bless John Wayne, Elvis Presley, Audie Murphy, Cary Grant, Charlton Heston, and Jimmy Stewart but the rest of Hollywood is not welcome here.

10. No, there is not a "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Alpine Touch.

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, & served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. High School Football is as important here as the Vikings and the Seattle Seahawks -- And more fun to watch.

14. Colleges? Try Montana State or the University of Montana. They come out of there with an education--Plus a love for God and country.

15. We have a higher percentage of folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, & Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Montana." If you do, it will get your backend kicked.

16. Many of us are loggers, mill workers, ranchers & miners. For well over a century, we have helped supply beef for your tables, metals for cars, coal for electricity, wood for your homes & paper to wipe your sissyselves. Don't come here and tell us to stop working so you can re-make the whole State into your own no-hunting park.

17. Remember, you came here because Montana is different. It wil be kept that way. We don't need or want more shopping malls, housing developments or juice bars.

18. Don't try to use your imported money to re-make Montana into the image of where you just left. If you feel this need, go back home. And yes we do hate you for buying up all of our lake-front properties.

19. Above all, if you are a lawyer or anti-gun nut, just stay away. We are very aware of the fact that attorneys have created a major industry, out of lawsuits & babying criminals with guns. We are hunters and responsible gun lovers.

20. P.S.--Grizzlies are eagerly encouraged to eat out-of-staters.



2006 2500 SLT Quad Cab 4x4 LWB AT 3.73 Made in U.S.A. 1/06

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Last edited by Hut; 01-13-2009 at 04:09 PM.
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post #2 of 75 (permalink) Old 05-11-2007, 02:40 PM
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lol Hut.

21. If you don't like the customs and cultures of Montana, park at the border and walk in.

Jon
2004.5 2500 NV5600 CTD HO sans Silencer Ring, 2" leveler, Triple Dog w/outlook & Crazy Larry.

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post #3 of 75 (permalink) Old 05-11-2007, 02:43 PM
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can we extend that down here to wyoming to?

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post #4 of 75 (permalink) Old 05-11-2007, 02:46 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rbmchief View Post
can we extend that down here to wyoming to?
Hey man the state of Wyoming is your home; who am I to say? If I were you guys I would though.

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post #5 of 75 (permalink) Old 05-11-2007, 08:24 PM
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Right on the money,especially #1

Excellent,well thought-out post. Hopefully,Jane Fonda,her husband,and other Hollywood types will not spoil your paradise.

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post #6 of 75 (permalink) Old 05-16-2007, 10:35 PM
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Hut,
The only changes/additions I would make are as follows:

2. Most of them are "gravel roads", but when you get way out west in the state, you have a lot of miles of just plain old "dirt" (why the hell they didn't gravel them, I don't know).

14. Go Cats!

15. Army "Strong" (3 years) Air Force "Smart" (16 years)

17. Montana's not different, it's home.

19. Amen!:thumbsup

Born and raised in Libby, MT, now at home in Great Falls.

SEEYA KEV
"Flame Red" 2005 Ram 2500 SLT 4X4 QC, SWB, 3.73s LS, auto, 285/70-17 Cooper Discoverer ATR, "bone stock" drivetrain NRA LIFE MEMBER
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post #7 of 75 (permalink) Old 05-29-2007, 01:23 AM
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i agree with everything said here. i'm out of state right now in a apprenticeship(lineman), but hope to make it back and be able to afford a house and some property now that everything is out of control. it seems like a lot of things have changed since i was a kid.
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post #8 of 75 (permalink) Old 06-25-2007, 09:52 PM
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Nice Hut! Way to kick some A$$!!

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post #9 of 75 (permalink) Old 06-26-2007, 02:02 PM
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I wish Kulleeforneeya was still in America like Montana is.

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post #10 of 75 (permalink) Old 06-26-2007, 05:32 PM
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English optional.

You've got to love it here in SoCal when using the ATM it asks you to indicate "language of preference". I can see Spanish language speakers punching their language in but it burns my butt to have to punch English in. More liberal p.c. stuff. The only ATM in San Diego that doesn't offer Spanish is on the military base in Pt.Loma.

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post #11 of 75 (permalink) Old 06-26-2007, 05:44 PM
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Leave a light on for me, I'm movin' to Montana...:thumbsup

I'm assuming there's a hose to wash the dust off of my truck...

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post #12 of 75 (permalink) Old 06-26-2007, 05:45 PM
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I think Alabama needs to adopt these laws and strictly enforce them! We'd have to import some grizzlies. Our black bears are very few and far between. Montana is a place and a state of mind I've always wanted to visit. Maybe one day! Yall try and preserve her the best you can til I get there some day.
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